


Without even trying

by Shadow_Of_Castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-21
Updated: 2010-04-21
Packaged: 2017-10-09 01:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Of_Castiel/pseuds/Shadow_Of_Castiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel ponders over his station on Earth and his feelings towards Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without even trying

Castiel had been watching humanity from afar for a long, long time. He'd stared down from Heaven with his brothers, watched humanity sparkle into life and walk from the mud and up onto the ground, evolve into civilized beings with a certain sense of wonder, never knowing or realizing anything but a love for all of humanity, equally. He certainly didn't know or plan for love for just one being out of many. In his world, his vision, it was just out of reach, definitely discouraged by his Father and all around him.

So when he was assigned the task of taking care of a charge, was responsible for dragging Dean Winchester from the pit and the madness of Hell, he was the last to suspect that he would fall in love with a singular person, would cherish and hold that person dear to his angelic heart without question. It was unheard of from one such as him, not talked about or encouraged until Dean.

He would watch Dean from afar, made sure that the hunter was alright at all times, and even when he wasn't and Castiel couldn't show himself, his heart ached for him, and his body ached in sympathy with Dean's. Castiel had never assumed that he'd be the angel to fall in love and yet he had fallen in love so deeply, he could not imagine his existence without that singular love humans took for granted. He welcomed it, accepted it for what it was and yearned for Dean.

To make sure he wasn't just experiencing some kind of over protectiveness for Dean, being as the hunter was his charge, the angel purposefully spent time with Bobby, with Sam, even spent some time alone to ensure the feelings didn't fade or perhaps he was misplaced in calling them love. Whenever he looked upon either Bobby or Sam, he didn't feel that same level of emotion as he did with Dean, saw Sam and Bobby as nothing more than friends and loved them no more or no less than the rest of humanity. Sometimes, in both drunken states and sober, he still thought of Sam as an abomination, but, in the larger scale of things to do with love, it didn't seem to matter.

And so Castiel returned his singular attention back to Dean and tried to determine the depth of his feelings for the hunter and just how the hunter felt for him in turn. He noticed with some gratitude that Dean seemed to reciprocate his feelings, his love. Castiel had been amongst humanity for some time before he even realized that it was happening yet when he became aware of it, his heart leapt, soared into his mouth and into the sky where it flew free. The hunter seemed to seek out his presence, his company, spent more and more time with him instead of with his brother or even with Bobby. Castiel noticed the heavy, meaningful glances Dean threw his way, the way his gaze would linger on Castiel's face, a yearning light trapped deep within his dark green eyes as he stared.

Castiel shuddered beneath Dean's touch, loved the way their hands would brush at just the right angles, fingers lingering and just stopping short of entwining and linking together and it was when Dean almost kissed him that Castiel knew he would tell him he loved him, would reveal his feelings for good or for worse.

The first time Castiel tried to tell Dean he loved him, Dean was cleaning his guns and too pre-occupied to do anything but grunt and shoot a welcoming grin at the angel when Castiel arrived. The angel hovered nearby, content at first to be in Dean's company, finding the silence stretching between them soothing, cathartic, movements rhythmic as Dean swept oily rags over already gleaming, clean metal, brow furrowed in concentration.

He watched as Dean smiled slightly at Castiel's ever present company, eyes flickering up to meet Castiel's, crooked grin curving his mouth and warming his eyes yet still he did not speak. It seemed as though the hunter was as content to remain silent in the angel's company as the angel was content to remain silent in his.

Castiel sat back upon the bed where he'd settled, slender hands resting lightly on his knees as his lips parted, ready to speak suddenly, even though he didn't know quite what to say to the hunter. He was spared from possible uncomfortable outpourings by the arrival of Sam, yet cursing his arrival at the same time. Finally he left, seeing no purpose to his presence there, yet still he caught the disappointed look on Dean's face that he was leaving. That look alone was worth every wasted moment in remaining silent in Dean's company.

The second time that Castiel chose to try to tell Dean that he loved him, Dean was eating pie, face smeared with crumbs, random blobs of cherry jam, lips smeared liberally with reddened fruit juices and looking kissably soft beneath the sticky mess. Castiel couldn't help but smile at the sight that Dean made, as though Dean were an errant schoolboy coming home for his lunch and making a mess of it, instead of a thirty year old man, coming to a motel room for his lunch and making a mess of it.

Dean caught him smiling and grinned back, before offering the angel a piece of his pie, broken from his own portion with outstretched inviting fingers, hope gleaming deep within his green eyes. Castiel surprised himself by accepting the piece of pie gratefully, slender fingers wrapping around the pastry and watching the cherry filling drip and drool across his otherwise clean skin. He lapped at the cherry filling with long slow sweeps of his tongue, before popping the morsel into his mouth, chewing slowly and appreciatively at the sweet treat beneath Dean's close scrutiny.

"This is good," Castiel said, when Dean asked him how he liked the pie.

The hunter had nodded at that, pleased that Castiel had seemed to enjoy the pie, therefore taking after his own heart with regards to dessert. Sam had sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically, but remained silent, a small smile tugging at his lips and making his dimples appear all too briefly in his usually too solemn face these days.

Castiel had left soon after, too distracted by the taste of the pie still filling his mouth and sticking to the pads of his fingers in heady sweet fragrances to really notice he'd still hadn't told Dean he'd loved him.

The third time that Castiel arrived to tell Dean he loved him, the hunter was asleep; a fact that surprised Castiel, as it was still the middle of the day and nowhere near the usual time for humans to sleep. Castiel considered leaving immediately, silently, leaving Dean to his rest, yet there was something about the sleeping hunter that arrested him, made the angel stop and regard him with fascinated wonder.

Dean looked so peaceful, so happy and relaxed, so unlike his usual intense self of latter days, bogged down with thoughts of the Apocalypse, the failed search for God, the continuous drag and pull of trying not to say yes to Michael. All the pressures and the strains against his fragile human heart, mind, spirit was taking its toll on Dean, Castiel could see and it pained him to see him that way, helpless in the face of his own personal storm.

He remained in the room, settled down upon the bed beside Dean and watched over him, listened to his deep, slow breathing as though it were the finest music in the world. He watched, listened as Dean stirred, almost waking yet settling down again before he quite reached the surface of his own dreams. The angel remained there, content to watch over him, despite protestations back when he'd first met Dean, that he wasn't a guardian angel to perch on anyone's shoulder, to look after them when things got hairy. In Dean's case, from now on in, Castiel knew he would make that exception.

The fourth time that Castiel arrived to tell Dean that he loved him, Dean was drinking beer and washing his car, soap suds and water flying every which way, singing badly along with some unidentifiable - to Castiel - rock song on the radio. The angel stood back, watch as Dean's form flitted confidently over his car, smiled when the hunter caught sight of him and greeted him, face breaking into a perfect grin at the angel's arrival.

As always in recent times, Dean seemed genuinely pleased that the angel was there, and Castiel's body ached to touch the hunter. Instead he settled by surprising himself in helping Dean clean his car, the swooping motions of sponge over hot metal soothing and strangely cathartic. The angel could now understand the importance of tasks such as this, could understand the bonding moments between two males over a car - except, in their particular case, it was one male and one asexual being riding a male vessel, but Castiel wasn't going to hold that against anybody.

They remained mostly silent, tension between them left unremarked upon and Castiel left soon after, leaving Dean a little deflated by his departure.

The fifth time that Castiel arrived to tell Dean that he loved him, he didn't even have to say a word. It was as though Dean knew what was on his mind before he even voiced his opinions, before he'd even opened his mouth to speak. Castiel wondered if Dean had always known what was on his mind but had left it to Castiel to act upon it.

Dean was drinking beer at the time, mouth alternately wrapped around the neck of the beer bottle and dripping burger, eyes closing in satisfaction as he ate and drank. Castiel watched him, sat down when Dean indicated that he do so, knees touching the hunter's as he stared into Dean's face. The hunter had smiled, and Castiel was about to speak when the hunter surprised him by leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the angel's surprised, soft mouth.

Castiel didn't try to pull away, as after all, it had been the very thing he'd wanted and had craved after for many a long day and silent night on his own. He kissed him back, knowing that for all the months he'd known Dean, all the days he'd spent trying to tell Dean what the hunter meant to him, was all for nothing. Dean had truly known what Castiel had wanted and craved after all along, because the angel's intentions were mirrored as his own.

Castiel acquiesced to Dean silently, knowing that there was no trying any more, only doing and actions, kisses, hugs, perhaps more. Dean pulled away, eyes still trained upon Castiel's mouth as his lips curved up into a small, appreciative smile, before setting aside his burger and leaning in for another kiss from the angel. Castiel responded, every fiber of his celestial being and every fiber of his borrowed human vessel singing with rapture and pleasure, to fill his ears with the very songs of Heaven.

He responded when Dean deepened the kiss, lips moving against each other, sighs escaping and swallowed by eager mouths mutually, until Castiel finally pulled away.

"You do not know how long I've wished to do that, Dean," he said, voice deep, yet quiet, wanting that sentence to remain forevermore between them.

"You should have done it sooner, Cas. I've been waiting for it," Dean replied, with a wink at the angel, making Castiel smile wistfully at him. "Next time, don't wait so long, okay?"

"I won't," Castiel promised and they both knew he'd keep that promise.

Dean nodded in satisfaction, before returning to his burger and beer. Castiel remained silent and waiting beside him, content to remain by Dean's side until the hunter was ready to leave., knees touching gently beneath the table of a roadside diner. Eventually, Dean had sated his thirst and hunger and he stood, paid the bill before offering Castiel his hand. Without a second's hesitation, Castiel slid his long fingers around Dean's and followed him from the diner, both exchanging silent smiles, silent promises that everything would be alright between them, that the relationship would be a good one without even trying ....

-fini


End file.
